If you didn't, this will make no sense. If you did, prepare yourself.
Before I say anything further, I would like to state that under the first amendment to the Constitution of the United States of America, I have the right to free speech. And technically, you have that right, too. You also have the right to not read this. Take your pick.
As well as being able to write my thoughts, I have the freedom to choose what I would like to write about. Ever since I could remember, I loved to write. It was my form of free expression, letting out what I never said out loud or what was bothering me. So recently, I wrote a post about a girl that I went to school with. I recognize that I said some very mean things about her, but never in a million years did I suspect her to read it.
That's why this website is anonymous. Allie and I only told four other people about this website, including Chubnub. The other three people I know and trust, and not in a million years would they have said anything to this girl. So how the girl (Jean) and her friends found it is beyond me...
The other night Jean texted me with a question.
August 21, 2011
Jean: Hey if I ask you something, will you give me an honest answer?
Me: Sure
Jean: Okay so I found out about you and allies blog, dont be upset, it wasnt allie who told me. So I read it. And in your post a little while ago, am I Jean?
Jean: Be honest, I wont be mad
Me: Yes. You are. I was really mad at someone and it was the first thing that came to my mind. Who the hell told you? It's extremely private.
Jean: Ah okay. Thought so. To be completely honest, I dont remember. I just know someone mentioned it a while ago. It wasnt allie though, I know that for sure.
Jean: This was the first and last time I went on it though.
Me: Was it (let's call her Amanda) Amanda? Sorry if I hurt your feelings or anything.
Jean: No. Its fine, you should be able to express your feelings. I'm sorry I read it. I wont do it again
Jean: I honestly dont remember who it was I just heard of it when I was on the east coat
*coast
Me: I know I'm just upset someone told you anyways. It's just that its our form of expression and I'm really offended that someone told you.
Jean: Yeah no I completely get it. Again Im sorry I read it.
Me: It's okay.
Jean: But anyway, hows school?? How are the freshman? :/
And there were a few more exchanged messages before she went to sleep. As I suspect, Jean was still upset about the post, so she told her two friends, who told even more people at school. As soon as I came back from lunch today, everyone was talking about it.
On impulse, I walked straight up to them and asked them if they knew about my blog. Of course I was so heated I don't even remember what I said. But before that, I had came to the conclusion that Jean was cool with everything so I never expected a problem to arise.
If it were my friend, I suppose I'd be a bit angry. But I'd also be understanding. I mean - sure, I said some very mean things that I'm sorry about, but I never intended on hurting her feelings, ever. If I knew Jean would see that post, I would have never written it. Although, sometimes the world isn't always what it seems to be. So let me take a moment to address a few things...
I don't like drama. The only drama I love or will let into my life is drama club at school, because I think acting is really fun and another great way to express feelings. I have real problems in my life, as I'm guessing you get a sense of based on my other posts. I have two parents that don't like each other very much, eight siblings (two of which I've never met), an ill grandfather, a little brother that I adore will all of my heart and do my best to protect from this cruel world, a mom that is in need of a shoulder to cry on, two cats that need nothing more but love, a dad that wants to be close with me, and so much more. The last thing I need is drama. And if you have read all of my posts, you know that I don't really say mean things about people. It was this once that it ever came out dirtectly on my blog.
I never intended to hurt anyone's feelings, not even Jean's friends. Especially not yours, Jean. And I mean it. So for you, and only you, I deleted that post.
But why did I write it in the first place? To be completely fair, I wasn't even mad at Jean. At all. I was mad at someone else, who none of you probably know at all. My mind automatically scrolled through my memory bank of mean things someone has said about someone else, and Jean's story was the first to come to my mind. In a moment of passion and anger, I wrote that post. It probably took me two minutes to get it out, and I moved on. Jean and I have had our differences in the past, and although I didn't like what she said about Karen, I didn't really intend on saying anything mean about her. But I suppose my post rubbed off the wrong way.
I also suspect that Jean found our Facebook page for the blogsite, even though two people liked it. She told me someone told her about it, which doesn't make sense, but our email said she "liked the page". The reason we even created the page was in order to gain readers. Anonymous readers. We created a fake Facebook account for it, only for that purpose. It was never meant to be seen by anyone else, which is why about a month and a half ago, Allie revoked the rights of anyone "liking" any of our posts.
Jean's friends said they were angry that we posted it on the internet. However, it is anonymous, with fake names and everything. We assumed it would be okay posting what we needed to get out with out any interference from the real world. It appears not. Plus, having an internet blog is so much easier and a lot more creative that writing it down in a book. That's a waste of paper, and we wanted other people to see it, just people we didn't know.
In conclusion, I would like to quote the meaning behind this whole site. "Everything seen here and everything understood or heard, is from their brains directly." What Allie and I meant by this is that we are allowed to express ourselves in any way we would like, and we have every right to do that. Nothing will ever take away our abilities to write, not even this. Again, I'm sorry this even happened, believe me - I didn't want it to. But I also stand by my my freedoms.
Therefore, we are changing the name of the website. Goodbye to you all.