In this blog post, I'm going to try and let my true feelings out, whatever those may be. Truth to tell, I'm not completely sure how I feel, but I know I feel something, and I know that that feeling has been begging me for release.
There are a lot of reasons for which I could hate you. There are a lot of reasons for which I could like you. A week or two ago, I tried to write it out-- the reasons for which I like you. Looking at that list, I have realized something good/bad. I don't know which.
A lot of the reasons for both are the same.
Do you know what that means for me? I sure as hell don't, but it's kind of scary. See, the thing is, I don't want to go out with you, I don't want to like you, I want to go back back back to the way it was. But if I can only convince that annoying little heart of mine to move on by finding reasons not to like you, then that means that I will end up hating you.
Does that make sense? no.
A friend said I looked sad the other night. I think I was. Because I couldn't go over and talk to you. I couldn't bring myself to get over that barrier that I built up when I found out you didn't like me anymore.
Once, you said to me that I was one of the only people that could really tell when you were upset. Really tell. But I don't know if that's true anymore. Even if it were true, I don't know if you'd tell me.
I don't want to question whether or not we're really friends anymore. I don't want to ask myself whether or not I can still be friends with you...
But why? Why?
There are things you can't fix. Like the fact that part of the reason I was ever upset was that you didn't tell me you liked anyone else until I asked or saw it on your blog. And the fact that if you had, I still would have been upset.
And it's not even that I still like you, because I'm not really sure that I do. There are moments where I feel myself burn, I feel how much I hate that you don't like me, or how much I'm jealous of the girl you like this week, or when I remember this summer, when I could see stuff years from now that I can't even remember anymore. Those moments are short and quick. Most moments I just ache for last year. Simple last year.
I mean, what am I supposed to do? What am I supposed to do? What do I want? Where do I want to go?
There are a lot of reasons for which I could hate you. There are a lot of reasons for which I could like you. A week or two ago, I tried to write it out-- the reasons for which I like you. Looking at that list, I have realized something good/bad. I don't know which.
A lot of the reasons for both are the same.
Do you know what that means for me? I sure as hell don't, but it's kind of scary. See, the thing is, I don't want to go out with you, I don't want to like you, I want to go back back back to the way it was. But if I can only convince that annoying little heart of mine to move on by finding reasons not to like you, then that means that I will end up hating you.
Does that make sense? no.
A friend said I looked sad the other night. I think I was. Because I couldn't go over and talk to you. I couldn't bring myself to get over that barrier that I built up when I found out you didn't like me anymore.
Once, you said to me that I was one of the only people that could really tell when you were upset. Really tell. But I don't know if that's true anymore. Even if it were true, I don't know if you'd tell me.
I don't want to question whether or not we're really friends anymore. I don't want to ask myself whether or not I can still be friends with you...
But why? Why?
There are things you can't fix. Like the fact that part of the reason I was ever upset was that you didn't tell me you liked anyone else until I asked or saw it on your blog. And the fact that if you had, I still would have been upset.
And it's not even that I still like you, because I'm not really sure that I do. There are moments where I feel myself burn, I feel how much I hate that you don't like me, or how much I'm jealous of the girl you like this week, or when I remember this summer, when I could see stuff years from now that I can't even remember anymore. Those moments are short and quick. Most moments I just ache for last year. Simple last year.
I mean, what am I supposed to do? What am I supposed to do? What do I want? Where do I want to go?