Recently, I don't really want to do anything. I don't want to read, to talk, to do homework, to write... I like sitting under the overcast sky and gardening, but that's about it. I don't want to go back to school.
I hate having to talk to people. I seem outgoing but I think I may be a true introvert at heart. I would be happy to sit under a big tree and read a book for the rest of my days. I love all of my friends, but I don't really want to be with them anymore.
Can't I be a kid a little while longer? I miss the way things were when I was little. I could sit on the porch all morning and then walk over to my friend Devi's house and garden with them and pretend to be witches and battle with sticks. Then we could walk to the library and read quietly for hours. I could read all week back then.
I'm sitting here, writing about how alone I want to be, but all I want is to not be alone. I want a perfect person who loves the things I love, who accepts how weird I am and listens to all my opinions. Someone who I can have a conversation with but won't try to drown me out with their own. Someone who will make me breakfast and who will eat mine. I want my first relationship but I also want my last-- the one that exists forever.
Honestly, I can't imagine a person who I could love forever. This year, I have truly learned how hard love is to capture. It grows and shrinks so easily, and half the time it was never there at all. So many times, I have thought that I was in love, that I would love this one person forever.... and then it fades, and then I look back, and I laugh at how dumb I was for thinking I was in love.
I am sixteen now. It's getting very difficult to pretend that my Hogwarts letter just came late.
I hate having to talk to people. I seem outgoing but I think I may be a true introvert at heart. I would be happy to sit under a big tree and read a book for the rest of my days. I love all of my friends, but I don't really want to be with them anymore.
Can't I be a kid a little while longer? I miss the way things were when I was little. I could sit on the porch all morning and then walk over to my friend Devi's house and garden with them and pretend to be witches and battle with sticks. Then we could walk to the library and read quietly for hours. I could read all week back then.
I'm sitting here, writing about how alone I want to be, but all I want is to not be alone. I want a perfect person who loves the things I love, who accepts how weird I am and listens to all my opinions. Someone who I can have a conversation with but won't try to drown me out with their own. Someone who will make me breakfast and who will eat mine. I want my first relationship but I also want my last-- the one that exists forever.
Honestly, I can't imagine a person who I could love forever. This year, I have truly learned how hard love is to capture. It grows and shrinks so easily, and half the time it was never there at all. So many times, I have thought that I was in love, that I would love this one person forever.... and then it fades, and then I look back, and I laugh at how dumb I was for thinking I was in love.
I am sixteen now. It's getting very difficult to pretend that my Hogwarts letter just came late.